the war zone.

It is hard for me to explain why I feel called to overseas missions. It is hard to explain why I feel “stuck” here in Dallas. I struggle more in Dallas than anywhere else I have been- I struggle with temptation, I struggle with hearing God’s voice, I struggle surrendering all to him at home, trusting Him with MY life. But overseas I am on His radio wave loud and clear. I’ve fought with the idea that me wanting to go back overseas is an escape per say, but then I think no way, God gave me the heart and desire to go to the nations. I just haven’t been able to explain how I know this. I stumbled across this blog of another past World Racer- Shannon Morgan– who is trying to go over to South Sudan for ministry (this is definitely not the safest place to be right now). Although she wrote this with Sudan on her mind, I think it applies to every day life. In Dallas, Africa, Sudan, wherever…

everyday is a battle, every place a war zone.

Satan wants us to fall, but Jesus is already there to keep us from falling and to pick us up when we do fall. I couldn’t of explained it better, but this is exactly why I feel called into jail ministry, into overseas missions, into making my life worth something more than for myself… to fight for HIS Kingdom… and boy does God know I need much growth in this area too.

****

On the World Race, we were constantly told to keep all things in “open palms”. Meaning that, should the Lord decide to take away what He’s given, that we don’t scream and cry and play tug-o-war with white knuckles. We simply let the Lord have what was His all along to give… Or take away.

Tomorrow looks promising. I believe the Lord is not only opening doors, but He’s doing it in a better way. In a way that will all make sense. I believe this. And I speak it into being.

However, if He doesn’t, my palms are open. I’m holding nothing, save what He sets in my hands. Because everything I have, everything I dream, everything I hope, it’s all for Jesus. All of it.

Maybe I’m heading into tranquility. Maybe I’m running headlong into a war zone. I’ve been assured the town we are going to is and has been  peaceful, even when the rest of the country has been overwhelmed with conflict. But this whole thing has made me think about a radical concept.

Giving.
Jesus.
Everything.

What if He calls me into a place where war is about to be declared? What if He leads me into a desperate place where I have no answers to all the pain around me? What if I’m with Him in one of the literal darkest, most frightening places on the planet?

As terrifying as this seems, my soul says,

Yes, God.

Who is the Gospel for, if not the most desperate?
What is the Gospel made for, if not the most dire situation?
When is the Gospel to ever find a more perfect time than people looking for a miracle from God?

I’ve realized that skirting the dangers for my benefit is not what the Gospel demands.

I believe God is sending his army, and Satan is doing everything He can to keep us out.

If Jesus is close to the brokenhearted, He is in every aspect of this country. And He wants to put a voice to His presence.

He’s sending us.

And though, tomorrow might bring disappointment, I still will trust.
And though tomorrow might bring jubilation, I still will trust.
And though tomorrow might bring war
and famine
and poverty
and widows
and orphans
and death
I still will trust.

God is never giving up. He’s pursuing His children with all He has. Declarations of war do not surprise Him, neither do they matter. He is bringing His light in the midst of darkness, His comfort amidst the carnage, His truth against the lies.

God is so much bigger than the war. Jesus, much more powerful than the echelons of man. Holy Spirit, more tenacious than any army.

He always has been. He always will be.

But He’s letting me be a part of it. He’s giving me the gift of making my life count.

Not in the spotless halls of corporate wealth, but in the dirt, holding onto the ones He loves. He’s never letting go of them.

Come what may, He’s never letting go.

****

 

 

One thought on “the war zone.

  1. I can relate to the not feeling God as much here as overseas. About 2 years ago I thought I felt God’s presence much more present when I was younger and when I did not have as much money as I had. So I prayed some little prayer to help me feel God’s presence more in my life. I did not think that would bring around such financial difficulties. I too have felt called to the missions overseas, but I also know God says not yet, you must be prepared so I wait. I have conversations with God daily and I KNOW that He is there and I see His hands in EVERYTHING. I asked him last year at this time that if he wanted me in missions he would take away my desire to stay in my current job. Again be careful what you ask for you may get it. This has been the worst school year ever. It has made me examine myself more deeply and how I portray myself as a child of God to those I work around. It has made me take a look at me and my attitude. It has also made me have to TRUST God completely, and that is not so easy when you look at the numbers and they don’t add up. When he says give and I think, but what if something happens there is no savings. Well He made me healthy and I can work more, but that was my answer to it all not God’s its like a band-aid on a crack in a dam, I see Him asking me to let go of my worldly possessions, they are not what its all about. God wants us to focus more on each other not things, and I re-evaluate the what is a need and a want, daily.

    Stephanie, just know you are not alone. Your quest has become like a tumbleweed picking up things as it goes. God had me go to Haiti, to meet you. To make that connection and to follow your blog, because you have made me examine myself as I follow your blog, and God has a plan that is so much greater than either of us can imagine. I just pray I don’t get in His way and mess it up because I don’t see the whole picture yet, only a little piece of it all. I too am trusting God. Tomorrow looks promising. I believe the Lord is not only opening doors, but He’s doing it in a better way. In a way that will all make sense. I believe this,too.

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