I realize I haven’t write a blog in a while- I haven’t been able to put into words what I have been learning these past 3 weeks. We have had two guest speakers come visit and it is safe to say my brain has just been well tired of thinking ha. It has been a lot of good information and growing of dreams. With the first 3 months closely coming to an end and being almost half way through the training I have become more and more stressed about what my next step is. more and more realizing what exactly I am “getting myself into”. I’m no longer giving up the comforts of America or the possibility of not being near my family or not having my cats to sleep with me or the idea of a normal future with a husband and kids for only 6 months to a year at a time, but possibly for a whole lot longer season. ekk. this is scary. but good scary.
so for now I wanted to re-post/share a blog from my dear friend, past P squad-er from the race and roommate. It touched my heart and I feel is very much a journey God has me on as well :] enjoy!!
By: Stacey Compton.
A year and a half ago, I sat on a beach in the Philippines and made promises to the Lord. I promised that I would love Him more than anything or anyone. I promised that I would pursue the dreams He’d given me, regardless of what it seemed to cost. Tonight, I sit on the terrace of my current home in Mijas, Spain, wondering if I was naive to make those promises.
It seems as though I just arrived in Mijas, but the time is coming soon to make plans and decisions for the future. Funny, isn’t it? How God always prepares our hearts in advance for things that are to come. Now, it seems as though the thing my heart desires is the anything or anyone, and the last thing it wants is the cost.
The idea of inheritance and legacy have daunted my thoughts lately. A few weeks ago, Andrew stood in front of us and spoke about his father’s legacy. His father was a man committed to pursuing his God-given dreams and furthering the Kingdom, at all costs. At one point, Andrew paused and said, “Should I continue? Because if I do, you will no longer be able to say you didn’t know. You will no longer be able to claim any excuse. Shall I keep going?” He then glanced at the door, as if he were motioning to the suggested escape route if we chose to claim ignorance, rather than listen to the words that would pour from his lips a few seconds later.
Each of us kept our eyes fixed on him, not daring to exit the room and evade the truth that was about to be imparted; he began talking about how his father was a man of integrity and truth, someone that shook the foundations of hell with the authority he claimed. Andrew spoke of his mother and father’s first date with delicacy; he told us of the conversation they had as his father was on her doorstep.
“Ernest, I don’t want you to come into the gate if you aren’t prepared to follow the Lord with all of your heart and do what he asks of you and I.” He responded, “I don’t want to cross the gate if you aren’t willing to honor the Lord and do what he asks of us. I’d rather do it with you, but I’m willing to do it without.” I think Andrew sensed the effect of the words on my heart, because he stopped in front of me as he paced the room; he patted my leg and flashed a grin, like usual. Tears filled my eyes, because I know the without and it isn’t my favorite place.
So, here I am, living in the without. I sit here wondering if I would have made those promises to the Lord in the Philippines if I had known how much the without would hurt. I’d like to think I would have. I’m learning to lay down the with so my heart can settle in the without.
My heart is slowly realizing that the Father is the with. For now, the fulfillment of living out my passions and pursuing my dreams is the with. And, it’s okay. It’s a good place to be.
*part two to come soon!