It hit me today. I have been home from Spain for a month now. It has been a year since I went back to Haiti and two and half years since I began my World Race adventures and actually stepped foot in Haiti for the first time. Man, Jesus sure has taken me on an adventure.
In the past 3 years I have lived in over 13 countries. Which means my heart has pieces left all over the world. Besides where I was physically born, I’m not even sure where “home” is to me. It is all over. I love this and hate this all at the same time.
If you have been following my blog from the beginning you know how hard it was for me to come back home the first time around. Being in the states was hard. Dallas was hard. A sweet friend of mine, Whitney**, recently wrote a blog on freedom and transitioning back “home”. I wanted to share parts of it because it really hit home.
“Racers travel endlessly pouring out their hearts to the hungry all the while the Lord is restoring their confidence, their identities. Anchors are released and hearts begin to soar in purpose… the beauty of living on behalf of someone besides yourself.
Then, you come back “home” and those blinders fall back into place and the weight of the past shambles you back.”
Man, did this ring a bell. Even now being home from Spain. But then I kept reading…
“That’s the lie anyways, it’s the first attack they face, I faced. I have found so many breakthroughs in this exact moment, or moments where you decide to hold close your freedom, know your freedom and proclaim it when you don’t feel it. This is the moments where you are breaking through the threshold. To write it out, to speak it aloud. You’re still free. Let that freedom revive and resurface in your heart right now, wherever you are.”
Home is everywhere, freedom is everywhere.
You are home, you are free.
This past week I was able to go back to The Porch. It had been over 6 months since I had been there – actually over six months since I had attended an English speaking church. I was dreading it to be honest. I knew the feelings above ^ that I had been through before all too well and I didn’t want anything to do with them. But I knew I had to push through. What was crazy was seeing the transformation of my heart over the last year. Not only for a big church, but for the city of Dallas.
My city. The burden for Dallas and for young adults suddenly hit me harder. Like it had in Haiti. In Thailand. In Moldova. In China. In Spain.
I left there realizing even more how amazingly blessed I am to have so many homes. It is rough to keep genuine community when you are constantly leaving and coming back. It is rough to have a heart for a city that has so much money when you have seen how the poorest of poor live. It is rough to take the blinders off that you have for your own culture. But through all that, it is totally worth it. Jesus has called me to move. not stay. and I wouldn’t change any of the places He has taken me.
I am overwhelming blessed and grateful for my multiple homes.
My home in Haiti – where the people who live in endless rows of blue tarps bring me such joy.
My home at Watermark – where I was first shown how to be an authentic and vulnerable follower of Jesus and then how to make disciples.
My home in the Dallas County Jail – where I have truly learned and seen that our past does not define us.
My home in Spain- where beyond the beauty of the Mediterranean is the beauty of a community that will always be there for me. Where roofs are ripped open and giants are being slayed!
My home when I go running – When despite the fact that I feel can’t make it another mile, I stay encouraged by all the victims of human trafficking… knowing that we are making a difference one step at a time.
My home with my mama, brother and grandparents – where I have seen first hand what endless love is and where I have my chittens to cuddle with me always, no matter a good or bad day.
:: My heart just beams for you all. You all are beyond dear to me and I thank you. Thank you for loving me every time I come back and supporting me every time I leave. Thank you mama for saying goodbye even when you don’t want to share me. Thank you for teaching me about hope. Thank you for not letting me give up, for fighting for me. Thank you for loving me so even when I mess up. Thank you for teaching me how to not let satan steal my silence. Thank you for giving me your anointing and thank you for believing in me. always.
I was recently reminded of something Andrew always says… “When you walk with God, your enemy makes you…No Goliath? No David!”
I desire for my numbers of homes to grow. Oh how I wish I could just have you all in one spot, buuut I have a reason to sing. A reason to sing that I want to shout from the mountains! A reason to sing that I want to share to the masses! My life is not a journey to the grave where I intend to arrive all pretty and done up, but I intend to arrive torn up, used up and warn out. A mighty solider at Jesus’ feet. Full of joy and hope and love from all my homes : )
*This video was done by my very talented friend Paul Bailey. It is what made Dallas touch my heart.
**I also wanted to share this about Whitney… check this woman of God out. do it. you won’t regret it. She is currently raising funds so she can go back to one of her homes… Candelaria, which is in the western part of Nicarauga. She is a woman of power and love and so so so much joy. Oh how I just love her and she needs our help so she can go love on these children here!!!